How to become selfish?

Accountability. What does it mean to you? To me it means that I have someone/something else to answer to other than myself. But in the end - this whole journey is about me. Pretty selfish right? Well yes and no. I would like to think that I'm a pretty selfless person but its high time that I take more time for myself. My mother (and if anyone knows her...you know I speak the truth here) is forever telling me "if you would just take some time for yourself, your hair, your nails, your clothes...". But in my mind, I would rather spend that time, that money, that effort on my children. But whats going to happen if I'm too unhealthy to enjoy my children? Can't let that happen! So as odd as it may sound - my resolution is become more selfish. I need to learn how to put myself first and make that time for me. Making that time FOR ME. Making MYSELF a priority. Do you know I didn't get to the gym ONCE at all in December? Sad. I was shopping, wrapping presents, decorating the house, drinking starbucks in those pretty red cups, and baking and oh do I notice that now. I have the accountaiblity of getting emails from my gym offering me free personal training sessions, getting my wellness udpates and telling me that I have ZERO points for the month of December.
I have accountability all around me and yet, I'm still not back there yet.
Another problem for me is organization. My poor gym bag is buried in our garage amongst wrapping paper. I can't find my headphones to my ipod to save my life and a lock to the locker is completely MIA.
What are your tips for staying organized so you have your gear ready to go at a minutes notice? I need them all as organization is not one of my strong suits. Please - give me all your hints and tricks to stay organized! I read on a friends FB that being healthy is hard work and man is it ever. I remember when my children were babies that being a good parent is hard work too. Amazing how this all comes full circle huh? Anything worthwhile doesn't come without a fight.
Here's to a fabulous 2011 ~ Join me on my journey!

Walking past the cake

Ohhh Cake. I love cake the way Homer loves beer. Foaming at the mouth included. What brings this up you might ask? a) I work across the street from a Costco. You've walked into their bakery right? Try walking outside and smelling it all.damn.day.long. Hell cake I eat doesnt' even have to be good cake. I simply love cake! What you might be asking does cake have to do with my journey? Freakin everything. Cake - I will stop for.

Corrected - would have stopped for. I went to my meeting today and learned that even though I may stray from the "plan" - I've learned good enough tools to help me along. I lost this week. I love it when people know the answers and they share them with me. Murray said to slow down on the treadmill and stick with eliptical and bikes for now and maybe only do 5 minutes on the treadmill. The gym got all new machines yesterday that are really really nice :) I have to say that I don't mind paying for quality and I'm surely getting it at this gym. Anyhow 35 minutes on the eliptical and 2.5 miles later -- I'm not feeling any odd sensations in my feet. Thank god! I'm not sure what I would have done had it happened again.

So back to the cake issue. In my office, there are always celebrations going on. Its bad. They have good food and almost always cake. We've covered my love of cake right? So today, there is some hoobuloo going on and the cake was left for taking. Oh dear...chocolate on chocolate. It took everything I had not to break my stride as I walked past. I knew that I even dared to slow down my pace that I would progbably find myself over taking a peice. But no -- I worked hard for my weightloss this week and I'm not screwing it over a peice of grocery store cake. If I want to eat cake these days - I'm going ala Buttery style.

I guess thats what it all comes down to - Choices. I have a choice to eat the crap cake and be done and over it. I'll have to work god knows how hard to reverse that cake. Or -- I can hustle my butt back to my office and chug some water.

Excuse me while I make ANOTHER trip to go pee. But alas, I am strong, I am not invincable. I think I'll take another route so I don't have to see the CAKE!

Days 4 & 5 - Wow!

I think WOW is quickly becoming my new and favorite word. After day 3's "Club Power" class I was left with burning thighs, aching arms and a new found respect for the ice and tylenol bottle. I told myself that I would take Friday off and let my poor fat thighs rest. Well I kinda forgot that I told my co-worker that we would do the "big walk" today. Oh hell. The big walk - I'll have to post pictures soon. It involves walking from our business park, up a dirty overpass, into a beautiful church park and down 77 concrete very steep, designed by satan himself down into the downtown part of Santa Cruz. From there we walk a few feet into one of the most wonderful mexican restaurants around. We order "super tacos" which don't shoot me just yet - 2 fresh corn tortillas topped with a ton of lettuce, tomato, shredded chicken and avacado. NOTHING like you were thinking right? Its very good. And damn cheap $5 for a very rewarding lunch. So today, we have a few extra people and I have yet to figure out just WHO said it but after lunch, as we headed back UP those satanic 77 stairs, it was taunted "last one up sucks". Oh hell no. I am the youngest of this group, albeit the most out of shape and I wasn't going down in a ball of flames like that. We pounded those stairs like there was no tomorrow. Wow -- I RAN up 77 stairs to save face. Well hell...whatever gets you there right?
The rest of the walk back to the office was filled with laughter, jokes and good times. I am blessed that I have found such a good core group of people that I know I can rely on come sun or rain that will help me along this journey. Interesting thought I had -- I don't earn a lot of points for these walks but its the point that I'm making time for myself each and everyday by taking a walk, to get out of the office, to put down that file for 45 minutes and take some personal time. What a concept huh. For that, I am probably the most thankful.
So Today - day 5. Saturday. I'm having trouble with my Zumba classes. At the gym, they offer them pretty much every day with about 4 different instructors and if there is one thing I've learned through my journey, its that I crave familiarity, tradition and continuity. Never thought much about it but I really like doing the same thing over and over. It sets a benchmark in my mind that I can measure against. So today, new zumba instructor and I did it -- I broke my cardinal rule of leaving a class before it was over. I stuck it out for 45 minutes and then I quickly and quietly slipped out the back door. I just couldn't get into it. This new teacher incorporated a lot more belly dancing and east indian moves and well....my belly was moving a lot more than it was supposed to. Good lord, it was like watching Santa trying to do a pole dance. Not a good scene and for Gods' sake there were children present! And in my mind, I couldn't be done with only 45 minutes under my belt. I grabbed my ipod from the lockerroom and headed upstairs. Hadn't decided what to do but my thighs were still burning - not quite sure what I was thinking here, but probably was thinking about MichaelAnn's post on FB about using the bike as her workout. I commented on being so impressed about a 15 mile jaunt and she commented back tht it was so much easier on a bike. Well this I just HAD to see for myself. I remembered how to adjust the seat for my short little legs and climbed on. Entered my info and selected a "random hills" setting for 45 minutes. HO-LY crap! Oh and I set the resistance for a 10. I hit that first hill and just about died! Resistance quickly got re-set to 7. There...thats more like it. I set out to pedal my little heart out. I had a magazine and my ipod going and before I knew it -- I had biked 5 miles! WTF?? I was shocked as well....lots. Put my ipod on and pedaled some more. By the time that my butt was numb, I decided it was time to quit. Looked again at the screen and I was floored. I had been riding for 36 minutes and pedaled my way just past 10 miles! Could that be right? No way, no how.
Then I climed off the bike.
Oh yeah...it could be true.
Where on earth did I lose that disconnect between hurting thighs and pedaling would be a good thing? LOL. I somehow made it down the stairs to the locker room where I met a wonderful lady. We talked a little bit about Zumba and finding that perfect balance for yourself. As I walked way to the shower, she called after me "you know sweetie - You're already a winner. You came here today". I instantly felt better about myself, smiled and I thought about her as I showered and thought "wow...amazing how a perfect stranger can offer some simple words and touch someone like that". I want to do that too. As I was leaving, I saw this lady again and I offered up "have a good day". She replied "I will and you are going to have a great day - you're making changes".
Wow.