How to become selfish?

Accountability. What does it mean to you? To me it means that I have someone/something else to answer to other than myself. But in the end - this whole journey is about me. Pretty selfish right? Well yes and no. I would like to think that I'm a pretty selfless person but its high time that I take more time for myself. My mother (and if anyone knows her...you know I speak the truth here) is forever telling me "if you would just take some time for yourself, your hair, your nails, your clothes...". But in my mind, I would rather spend that time, that money, that effort on my children. But whats going to happen if I'm too unhealthy to enjoy my children? Can't let that happen! So as odd as it may sound - my resolution is become more selfish. I need to learn how to put myself first and make that time for me. Making that time FOR ME. Making MYSELF a priority. Do you know I didn't get to the gym ONCE at all in December? Sad. I was shopping, wrapping presents, decorating the house, drinking starbucks in those pretty red cups, and baking and oh do I notice that now. I have the accountaiblity of getting emails from my gym offering me free personal training sessions, getting my wellness udpates and telling me that I have ZERO points for the month of December.
I have accountability all around me and yet, I'm still not back there yet.
Another problem for me is organization. My poor gym bag is buried in our garage amongst wrapping paper. I can't find my headphones to my ipod to save my life and a lock to the locker is completely MIA.
What are your tips for staying organized so you have your gear ready to go at a minutes notice? I need them all as organization is not one of my strong suits. Please - give me all your hints and tricks to stay organized! I read on a friends FB that being healthy is hard work and man is it ever. I remember when my children were babies that being a good parent is hard work too. Amazing how this all comes full circle huh? Anything worthwhile doesn't come without a fight.
Here's to a fabulous 2011 ~ Join me on my journey!

The Cup - Is it 1/2 Full or 1/2 Empty

I'm pondering how to think about my experience last night at the gym. After being banished off the treadmill by the physical therapist, I decided to give it a try. I did the 5k "lake loop" which, I gotta say, really treadmill people? I'm supposed to imagine myself running around a lake? Yeahh..thats a stretch. It took me 53 minutes to finish that 5k. I don't know weather to be pleased that I didn't die or pass out or pissed off that it took me 53 minutes. I'm not happy with that time. 45 minutes is my initial goal and I will not accept anything more than that in a real run.
As I pondered my goal of 45 minutes, I find myself wondering if I have to choose between practice and endurance or fat-burning weightloss? I know the evil machine will accomplish the fat-burning but I also know that I need to get my body used to running and the impact of running. My wonderful husband that he is, seems convinced that I can do both at the sametime. I'm doubtful about that one. I know my body cannot handle the 30 minute burn on the evil machine and then turn around to do the treadmill. He suggested doing a modified version of the 5k on those days that I do both.
Something I've learned about myself throughout this journey? I"m not much of a free-thinker and I enjoy plans. What I want? Is for someone to know my goals and give me a plan on how to get there. I need to evaluate my needs and abilities at the gym and figure out how to make this work.
You know what also came to my realization yesterday during my hellish 53 minutes? Is how much my journey is ever-evolving. I realize that that yes, while I enjoy plans, I realize they have to grow and move with you as you progress. I can appreciate that. When I started this journey, I never thought I would be sitting in my office, wishing I was out running. When I have a bad day (like today!) I really wished I could have hit the gym to clear my mind and lose myself in my music. THAT is something I can be proud of and count as the cup being half-full.

I'm a blogger slacker!

I admit - I got a little off-track with this blog but I'm happy to report that my activity level didn't slack off as well. Well maybe a little - with school starting, it was harder to adjust our schedules to accomodate picking up kids, making sure everyone gets dinner, homework and all the other fun things that come along with a family. But I've been walking everyday with my co-worker Rich and we have a great time. Its great knowing that no matter what I do during the weekend, that if I'm having a day from hell, that I can count on Rich being outside at 11:30 for our walks. We've ventured up into the hills of Pogonip, we go downtown via a path of 77 stairs or hike up a pretty steep bike path. Its a good source of consistent work out that I know I can count on.
Its pretty real to me that W2W is approaching and all the little runs that lead up to it. A 2nd harvest food bank fundraiser, the Turkey Trot, etc...they are all coming up quickly. Somehow - Rich signed me up for the walk/run club through our employer and all of a sudden - I'm not only accountable to myself and my friends, I'm answering the call to this group. Wow.
The gym is going well - I'm finding new machines to work out on and constantly pushing myself to go further, harder, faster. During the say - I wish that I'm out running or walking, I like that feeling.
I've given up on Zumba - I like it but the timing is crappy for the time being. So I'll stick with the machines and my ipod. Which reminds me -- I need to revisit my playlist. Somehow when I'm sitting in my office a particular song will sound like its good running music and then when it comes on - I can't move fast enough to skip past it.
The weightloss is going good - I'm 1 pound away from losing 20. It doesn't sound like a lot to me esp when I look at the calendar and see that its been 16 weeks. I feel like I should have lost more than that by now, but I keep telling myself that its better to lose it slowly and keep working at it than to lose it fast and not have learned how to maintain it.

I am striving to do more, do it harder and faster. Thats my goal.

Happy Day - 2 Words!

2 words - NEW JEANS!

Now for the downside - either I got taller while losing weight or Costco likes to screw with their sizing. They're too short and must go back! How many languages can I say "Dammit" in?

Walking past the cake

Ohhh Cake. I love cake the way Homer loves beer. Foaming at the mouth included. What brings this up you might ask? a) I work across the street from a Costco. You've walked into their bakery right? Try walking outside and smelling it all.damn.day.long. Hell cake I eat doesnt' even have to be good cake. I simply love cake! What you might be asking does cake have to do with my journey? Freakin everything. Cake - I will stop for.

Corrected - would have stopped for. I went to my meeting today and learned that even though I may stray from the "plan" - I've learned good enough tools to help me along. I lost this week. I love it when people know the answers and they share them with me. Murray said to slow down on the treadmill and stick with eliptical and bikes for now and maybe only do 5 minutes on the treadmill. The gym got all new machines yesterday that are really really nice :) I have to say that I don't mind paying for quality and I'm surely getting it at this gym. Anyhow 35 minutes on the eliptical and 2.5 miles later -- I'm not feeling any odd sensations in my feet. Thank god! I'm not sure what I would have done had it happened again.

So back to the cake issue. In my office, there are always celebrations going on. Its bad. They have good food and almost always cake. We've covered my love of cake right? So today, there is some hoobuloo going on and the cake was left for taking. Oh dear...chocolate on chocolate. It took everything I had not to break my stride as I walked past. I knew that I even dared to slow down my pace that I would progbably find myself over taking a peice. But no -- I worked hard for my weightloss this week and I'm not screwing it over a peice of grocery store cake. If I want to eat cake these days - I'm going ala Buttery style.

I guess thats what it all comes down to - Choices. I have a choice to eat the crap cake and be done and over it. I'll have to work god knows how hard to reverse that cake. Or -- I can hustle my butt back to my office and chug some water.

Excuse me while I make ANOTHER trip to go pee. But alas, I am strong, I am not invincable. I think I'll take another route so I don't have to see the CAKE!

Reflections & Tools Learned

My apologies for not keeping up to date with this blog this past week. No good excuses - just life. I sort of fell off the WW wagon this week and I'm quite scared of what little red digital number is going to pop up tomorrow at weigh-in. I learned something though, that even when I'm "bad" so to speak, I'm still making slightly better choices than I would have before starting WW. Friday - I'm pretty sure I ticked off the people behind me in the drive-thru at Toxic Hell (taco bell) as I just couldn't decide what to have. Finally decided on those new soft corn tortilla tacos that come with a slice of lime. But it had wayyyyy to many onions to be edible in my book so I stopped at the next exit and got Wendy's chili. I was on my way to an all day/night scrapbook event where buying food once in is like buying food at Disneyland. You know its not going to be really good to begin with and then you get the double pleasure of paying triple the worthy amount? So I had half the chili on my way there (yeah you want to talk about talent? Try eating hot chili while starving while driving Hwy 17 in the middle of the day). For those that are not familiar with said Highway 17 -- its probably the worst stretch of highway in our county/area. Its windy and twisty and for those of us that know the road well -- we test our limits on it. Easily pushing 85-90 in some areas. Its really easy to get going. But in the middle of the day, you are sharing said space with i-d-i-o-t-s who don't realize that yes, Virginia while you are in the fast lane, you MAY pass the big scary truck to your right. If you don't? I will scream obsenities at you from my car. Phew....thank you little subaru for pulling over and letting the rest of us speed our way to our destinations.

I'm sorry -- this isn't about speeding or driving is it? Its about the choices I've learned to make. So at the show, couple of hours in, I'm hungry and facing those lines. I opt for one of the pre-made sandwiches with turkey and cheese. Pull the cheese off, mustard and turkey is always good. Instead of chips which provide little to no comfort. I instead, trade those points for a candy bar. I know -- I can hear the groans now. But its 8pm people and I've got 5 more hours to go and I need that second wind. But with the choices I've made today, that butterfinger bar fits easily within my daily range. I'm pleased with myself.

Saturday - I'm dead tired and we order pizza for dinner. Whole wheat organic crust and yummy veggies make for a delicious change from the typical cheese and crap from RoundTable.

So I'm sitting here reflecting on my week and wondering what tomorrow will bring and knowing that I have strayed a bit from the diet portion of my journey. But I'm somewhat comfortable knowing that these are everyday situations that I am going to have to face as time goes on. I'm happy knowing that I know better choices to make now and how to handle set backs. If I gained back some weight, sure I'll be dissapointed but I know how to reflect back and know what didn't work and what I need to work on. WW has taught me those tools.

I do know that going to the gym is absolutely vital for me - and its funny, I feel yucky when I don't go. I really enjoy going there and pushing my body to see if I can do more than last time. If I can pass up that number from last time, burn more calories, etc. For awhile, I've been told to spend most of my time on the eliptical machine until my achilles tendon stretches out and heals. I have very strict instructions on how to stretch before and after -- hopefully this will help alleviate my whole foot sensation problem. And...I'm really really wanting to get back to that weight training class that hurt so bad 2 weeks ago - I'm wondering if I've made any progress in my lunges. I've been practicing here and there.

Who knew proper lunges were so hard to do? I still wonder why that wasn't covered in PE? I mean seriously? They taught us to bowl and how to shoot basketball granny style but they couldn't spend 15 minutes teaching us the proper way to lunge? Or did a I cut Ronnings class that day? All my SCHS peeps will appreciate that. I've been walking at lunch time with a co-worker and we laughed until we cried when we learned that even though he graduated 27 years before me - we had the SAME PE teacher. Classic.

Days 6-8 - catching up!

Wow - it has been a whirlwind of lessons learned and putting new best practices into place. Sunday was a road trip day. We were traveling from Santa Cruz to San Luis Obispo (about a 3.5 hour drive) for a family event. I knew from our road trip 3 weeks ago that I am not a very good passenger on these longer trips. I always have to be doing something. Eating, drinking, texting, fb'ing...etc. This time, I was prepared. I packed our handy-dandy travel cooler/picnic basket - have you seen these? They are awesome - courtesy of Veronica for introducing me to them!

Anyhow, that morning I filled it with yogurt, grapes, bannan's, banana chips, hummus and whole-grain crackers. Oh yes, and my carrots. Carrots have quickly become my mainstay. Love, love, love carrots. I think they are quite possibly, the perfect food.

The daytrip was a success by all measures. I even got home in time to flip on "my stories" - True Blood! We did eat some fast food but I think I made better decisisons than I would have in the past and I have to credit my wonderful husband for reminding me of how sick chili cheese fries have made me in the past. I worked through that and managed to avoid making myself really really ill.

Monday - back to the gym. I was a little butt dragging yesterday afternoon. Don't know why - just get that feeling sometime. I didn't want to do the Zumba class that was so miserable last week so I just headed upstairs to the machines with no real idea or destination in mind. Treadmills have been hard for me in the past but they were mostly free so I headed there and was examining my options as far as trainings or free time. I find that again, I need some sort of direction for my workouts. I saw that they have a 5k loop option. Perfect - I thought, I can try that and see how far I get. Which reminds me - I've really really got to work on revising my gym music playlist. Some of that crap has GOT to go! But I tell you - Beyonce's "Put a ring on it" is the one one song that can absolutely everytime, make me run! Love that song! Before I knew it, 1 mile was gone. Running is boring - I'll admit that but when you can tune out everything around you and sort of center yourself around your running pattern, something else just takes over. Very interesting. Soon, my future sister in law came along and we chatted for a bit about her upcoming wedding. When they moved on to another machine, I was able to zone back into my music and get my tread back on.

Before I knew it, the treadmill had stopped and flashed "good workout". I stood there for awhile wondering "WTH? Did I break it"? Was it revolting against me? Thats when it dawned on my that I was done with the 5k loop! I was kind of shocked at the same time of being relieved that it was over. LOL. I didn't run the whole thing - I mostly walked it with intermints of running. But I'm proud that I was able to finish the thing! Really freakin proud actually. Sense of accomplishment is really really rewarding.

Moving on to the other part of my journey - food and weightloss. I feel stronger this week. I have zero idea what the scale is going to say tomororw and I almost don't care. I'm not sure I'm going to put up another loss but something in my mind has shifted - this is more than losing weight, its about becoming a new person, making changes that are going to last forever and changing a midset. I enjoy going to the gym and working out, I enjoy eating better foods that don't make me sick half the night and then wondering why. I enjoy making better choices for my family food wise. Its all very much a life learning experience.

I've learned 2 things food wise this week:

1) Its okay not to eat it. If its gross, too many points or just looks unappealing? Its totally okay to say no. Today? I got a gorgeous chef salad from the cafe. When I get to eating it, I find that the turkey is kind of nasty. Before my journey started? I would have thought "you paid good money for this salad - you better get your money's worth". Now? I'm not that concerned with the money aspect of it. I figure that my healthy and body is more important than saving a buck. I'm done with that. I'm not going to make myself suffer to appease somebody else's ideas.

2) Food tastes SOOO much better when you work for it! LOL. After my lunch walks - I'm simply enjoying my food more. I've always loved food, good food, bad food - I'd eat it all. But damn if I don't appreciate food more these days!

I would be lying to myself I didn't say that I was looking foward to my weigh-in tomorrow and yeah, I hope that I have something material wise/number wise to show for my hard work this week but thats not what I'm going to hang my hat on. I'm banking on buying a new pair of jeans this weekend - YES!! as my daughter has recently learned to do - fist pump & knee jerk and all.